I’m not in relationship but it feels like I’m in a long distance relationship. And it feels much much harder than another long distance relationship cause 1. He’s not even my boyfriend; 2. We are coming from different island with different culture, food, mother language and society; 3. He’s not able to contact everyday because he lives in a (totally) tight dorm; 4. I always worry of his condition. I’m afraid if he got some kicks and punches from seniors like what media shows us; 5. I doubt his parent would let his favorite son date a girl from middle social class like me.
I wish I could stop playing Bring Me the Night by Sam Tsui ft. Kina Grannis and a Thousand Miles by Boyce Avenue ft. Alex Goot. I wish I stop being melancholy every night because he didn’t call or text me for the entire day. I wish I stop being disappointed because in the next day, there’s still no message from him. I wish I could just stop worrying him too much.
I always wonder, what he will do today? when his classes begin? what is his menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner? what if the food is too spicy for him? what if he miss eating fried rice and cookies milk and there’s nothing he can do? I want to know if he’s okay or not. I want to take care of him. I want to buy some fresh vegie and cook some meals and give him vitamins, remind him to pray and don’t forget to eat and cover him with a puffy blanket and being able to say goodnight.
Because when we accidentally holding hands we hold each other heart, we heal each other scars and filling the empty space the past left behind. That was a silly, stupid yet crazy accident. I still remember how he whisper “I got some sparks inside me. My heart beats faster.” then I just laughed. It was in the morning when we talked about our ex who hurt us so much, it was a morning when we have a random-uncounted-date. It was the first time I hold someone’s hand after being dumped by my ex-not in relationship-boyfriend.
(LOL at the picture, I used the same pattern of jacket when I walked with him. Lol)
I want to talk with him, seeing his wierdo expression and hearing him saying something cheesy. I want to look into his eyes, take another picture together again and tell my mom and she’ll say that we are look alike, or just laying on his shoulder and tell him that he’s too thin for me (oh good thing is he’s more muscular now, hahaha).
I want to call him via skype until fall asleep and forget that we still on the line. I want to call him until he’s sleeping so I can hear his deep breath. I want to send him a cute, silly voice note to support him. I want to send lots lots of hug and shy emoticons. I want to send him a picture of my handwritten message for him. Oh and I want him complaining because I read and write quotes from Murakami too much.
I want him to remember that he has to be healthy, happy, and strong. I want him to never forget to pray, eat and sleep in the right time. I want to meet him in dream every night like we promised to. I want him to say my name in every time of his pray as much as I do so that I can feel him. I want him to know that I miss him and waiting for him. I want him to fulfill his promise to meet me whenever he has time.
Be prepared, you’re gonna be the best next leader.
I do miss you, B.